October 25, 2018

This was our last Halloween together before my husband ended his life. What you don’t see is that I was crying early that morning because my husband had been yelling at me…it was my new normal for a little over a year. He never yelled at me before and that last year and half he would yell at me for the strangest things. When Brett and I got married we would throw a huge Halloween party every year for family and friends. The last one was different. Brett didn’t want to take off work and I found out three months later he had been having inappropriate relationships with Kansas City Kansas Police Department – KCKPD dispatchers when this photo was taken. Some other things you don’t see in this photo is that I was scared of him, he made me feel unimportant and worthless as a person, he would put me down and ignored me most days, and that he was growing increasingly ill with depression and rage..but I had no idea he was suicidal or depressed…even when I stopped him from trying to kill himself one night..I didn’t think that attempt was real..even when he threatened to kill me, fellow officers, or others..I still didn’t think it was real. I say all of this and I want people to know that I still would never want Brett to have killed himself. If I could do it all over again, I would try and get Brett help and if he didn’t want that help, I would have found strength to have left the man I loved since I was 15 years old. I was in a very dangerous situation and I’m very grateful that Brett didn’t take my life, or other people’s lives, before he ended his own.

halloween pic

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