Four months before Brett killed himself he asked me, “What are your top 10 favorite meals I’ve ever cooked you?” I didn’t think this was an odd question because Brett was the cook in our house and he made 5 star meals all the time. I told him that I loved everything he made, but he insisted I ranked 10 of my favorite. He made every single one of my favorites before he killed himself. Our last meal together, the night before he ended his life, was 16 oz ribeye steaks, candied carrots, and he had purchased 3 different imported cheeses I loved…in which we ate everything. I know Brett started thinking of killing himself long before I ever met him in 1998, but in hindsight, I now know that he planned his death at least 4 months ahead of time.
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After my husband ended his life I was completely devastated and felt as if I was torn into pieces that could never be put back together. How could life go on? The emotional pain he ended was unknowingly passed onto me. I knew I needed help quickly. I joined a support group called SASS (Suicide Awareness Survivor Support) who supports the ones left behind after a loved one's suicide and also helps raise mental health awareness. I will never get over my husband's death, but I now know that I can get through it, thanks to SASS. I sweep nothing under the rug. By starting an open and honest conversation I hope to help break down the stigmas and start raising mental health awareness. Together we can stay above the rug!
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My daughter, Caasi, gave away her collection of bunny rabbits!
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