July 25, 2017

Brett, today would have been 9 years of marriage…but we only made it to 6 before you ended your life. I wanted to spend my whole life with you, but you were the only one to spend the rest of your life with me. I hurt everyday without your presence and feel part of me is forever missing, but your suffering has transferred and you are at peace. I had a vision of what my future was going to look like with you in it, but even 2 years later I’m still scared of the unfamiliar that lies ahead without you. There are those who miss you and think of you from time to time, there are those who won’t speak your name, there are those who hate your name, and then there is me. I can’t really describe what it feels like to have half of yourself gone. But I can tell you Brett that I’m working hard not to stay down in that hole you were in, that you unknowingly drug me into. I feel if I’m not raising awareness that I’ll slip to the bottom again. I’m not sure if you are going to like this, but I’m going to be speaking at a police department next year and sharing your warning signs and how your suicide has affected me. Don’t worry, it’s not the department you worked at..I’m not sure that would ever happen. If you were alive, this wouldn’t be happening…but since you are gone, I have no choice but to do this for others. This is larger then you and I. I love you forever

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