June 28, 2017

Before my husband killed himself he started “preparing” me for his absence..which I was totally oblivious to at the time, but now looking back, I can see what he was doing.
Example #1. He showed me and made me make his famous stir fry seasoning recipe. If anyone knows me they know I’m not creative in the kitchen and Brett always wanted to be the cook. I wish I could remember that recipe now.
Example #2. He told me to never allow any cop into our house without a warrant. This worried me because if you don’t know, my husband was a cop. I asked him if I should be worried and he just repeated himself again, but more sternly the second time. Boy oh boy, I should have listened to him that night he died..now I know why he said that.
Example #3. He told me to change my withholdings to 0 instead of 1 on my W-4. I asked him if he was saying that because we were going to owe a lot on our taxes that year, but he told me we were just fine, that we had nothing to worry about.
Example #4. He said he wanted to change his beautiful garden he loved to work in, into a rock garden. His 2 non-negotiables when buying our house were it had to be as far away from any cop’s houses in Wyandotte (we live one street over from state line) and his other non-negotiable was it had to have a yard he could plant a garden in. God, why didn’t I encourage him to make it into a rock garden?! I just spent 2 hours in the backyard and didn’t even make a dent! I think he knew that I was going to have a difficult time with the yard work, but he knew I could manage a bunch of rocks instead. He even suggested moving into an apartment and leaving our beautiful home a couple of weeks before his death. He was always so proud of our home. I was just so confused by all of the things he was saying at the time..
There are many many more examples I’ve written down since he died..and perhaps one day I will be able to share them all…no matter if they upset people or not. Brett is dead and I can’t help him anymore. I feel the only thing that is left is to share my experience to hopefully help others..we shall see

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