June 12, 2017

I swam in the rain this morning reflecting on everything that has happened in the last two years..and I think to myself that us widows get such a bad rap. To see us smile again, laugh again, joke again, dress sexy again, feel good again, go to parties again, date again, loving someone again, getting married again, having children again and even to live again…that it’s a sign that we don’t love our late husband’s deeply, long for our late husband’s all day and all night, think about our memories of them 10 thousand times a day, think of all the 10 million memories that will never happen, and what we wouldn’t give to see them for one more moment. And if you’re a widow of suicide, god help you. Because there will be those who will think you caused your husband’s death and feel you should be sorry for the rest of your life. Joan River’s husband, Edgar, killed himself and she said that there will be such ignorant people who will judge your love for your bereaved, they will judge your bereaved’s love for you, they will judge the way you grieve, they will judge that you are even alive, but to know that they just don’t understand. Those ignorant people have never felt what true devastation, suffering, and pain is like… because if they did understand they would know that living in that kind of agony is not living at all. They don’t understand that for us widows, that getting thru (not over) our husband’s deaths is the 2nd worse thing that we will ever experience and will learn to cope with. The 1st worst thing has already happened. You know what the only good thing about being a widow is… it’s finding out what you are truly capable of in life. I miss you Brett ..everydayLindsey 1

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