July 17, 2017

While mowing my backyard last night, a grief spurt hit me so hard. I held onto my mower and let it run so no one could hear me yell out and cry. This one only lasted several minutes before I went on with my chore that once belonged to Brett. And now I’m sitting in my hot car crying, hoping that the good people of Hobby Lobby won’t call the cops or notice my swollen eyes while buying a frame. I don’t write this to get anyone’s “likes” or pity..I write this because there is this misperception of suicide. Some individuals think they’re a burden and that their family would be better off if they end their life, that maybe their family will be sad for awhile, but it will pass. Try telling that to the people in my support group who even after 10, 20, or even 30 years later, still long, cry, agonize, and dearly miss their loved ones. Killing yourself causes a life sentence of grief to those who you think might be better off without you. Pain is the only thing passed on once you are gone. Ok..i got that out of my system..I think I’m good to go inside now..