October 6, 2015

After school today, I was driving and I found myself in Party City’s parking lot. I went inside and asked to speak with the manager. I told her that I had been avoiding this store for months. Shaking, I told the manager that what I was about to tell her..that I did not blame her company in any way. I then proceeded to inform her that on April 22nd, my husband bought a tank of helium for $43.44 at this particular Party City. He then drove home and killed himself by inhalation of helium with a bag over his head. She was unaware that someone could even die in this manner…I was too, up until that day. She thanked me for making her aware, but assured me that her employees ask for id’s and question the customers before purchasing that type of item. I told her that it did not matter if they had questioned Brett, he would have either lied or would have found a different manner of death. See, I am writing this because Brett died of a mental illness. Helium was the instrument of his choice to finalize his death. Suicide is a mental illness. Here are some of the warning signs Brett demonstrated several months before he took his life: Depression, Withdrawn, Behaving Recklessly, Abusing Alcohol, Uncontrollable Crying, Lack of Energy, Disturbed Sleep Patterns (either too little or too much), Loss of Appetite, Sudden Weight Loss, Uncontrollable Anger, Previous Suicide Attempt, Getting his Affairs in Order, Becoming Extremely Happy 2 Weeks Before Ending His Life….in hindsight, I now see, but I did not know what was happening at the time. How does one know before it is too late? I now know that I did everything I could with the knowledge I knew at the time. I also knew that talking with the manager at Party City was not going to change anything about people choosing this manner of death. I went there today to face my fear and hope I won’t have to close my eyes every time I see an advertisement, commercial, or logo of theirs. I am writing on Facebook today because I want people to take mental illness seriously, whether you are struggling with it or see someone who is living through it. With Brett’s choice he has unknowingly passed on his pain to everyone who cared or still cares about him. I live with this everyday. There is not a day, hour, minute, and sometimes seconds that go by that I don’t think about how much I love him and the pain he has left. If we can’t start talking openly and honestly about this…then what? Do we shove this under the rug and just wait around until it happens to someone else that we know and love? http://www.sass-mokan.com/index.cgi/WarningSignsbrett 15

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